epic fail

soo.....i have to confess one week into this and i'm a total failure.  okay, maybe not totally, but i have caved one, or two or three or four or five too many times. 

i'm not sure why this particular area seems so hard, but i'm learning i must have an addiction in there somewhere.  or insecurity.  or something. 

i think this fast would be easier with my family doing it too.  i think it would be easier if my job didn't require a computer at all.

i'm also eager for this month to end and embrace whatever comes next.

i'm also eager and willing to admit my failure and not lie about it.  do i get a few bonus points for not lying?

i have gotten a lot more work done.  i have spent more time relaxed.  even though i feel the need to check facebook the world still keeps on spinning.  fancy that!? 

pinterest...i miss thee. 

one week down.  3 to go.  here's hoping for a better reliance on God.....

getting off course

so it has been awhile since i've checked in here at 7.  i have eaten 10 foods, worn 9 items, and given away more than i care to count.  but then i kind of got stuck.  the next month was media.  the one i wasn't too excited about giving up.  plus the olympics were just around the corner and my partner in this crazy idea was going on vacation where it is way to easy to unplug so i let it sit.

the other day i was sitting in the bathroom taking paint off my toes.  i get my best thinking done in that little room of our house.  usually, people ignore me in there!  anyways.  i was kind of lamenting a few things.  pair that with our pastor making a suggestion in staff meeting that we make a list of our ideal week as a family and attempt to live it out.  hmm...why do things seem so difficult? 

i'd been pondering the media fast.  God kinda told me that when i get stressed that is where i tend to hide out - in media world.  other people's blogs, pinterest, facebook.  that is really all i look at online.  i'm not a shopper, but i endlessly search blogs and pinterest to escape the reality of stress around me.  God let me know that wasn't His way of coping and prodded me to get started on the dreaded media fast.

you know...2012 has been a year of physical healing and some emotional/spiritual as well.  it has been oh so good!  God has blessed beyond measure, but the past month i haven't noticed it as much.  in fact, some of that physical healing has reversed.  i was letting God know that i was mad about a friend of mine having to walk a difficult road.  i was mad about some stress.  and well, He already knows so i might as well tell Him all about it.

in that telling Him all about it, He gently let me know i had gotten lost in the maze. it reminded me of a labyrinth - you know where you feel like you are going in unending circles.  i'm out there wandering and wandering desperate to get to the inner circle or just out of the maze. 

i started to realize that when i focus so intently on God the maze seems fun.  it draws me in.  i may not know the path but i can't help but explore it.  when i started this crazy 7 journey i thought i would fail the first month.  instead i embraced it and saw God move some major mountains in my life.  i was sick the first week i ate normal again.  i missed those 10 foods with a passion.  i think i missed the simplicity of it all.  the dependence on God that i had developed to satisfy my chocolate craving.  when i wore the same 9 clothes i learned people care more about who i am than what i wear.  it again was simple.  what shirt is still clean and do i want to wear the gray skirt or blue jeans?  again, i loved it and God moved mountains in my life.  giving away items seemed less dramatic.  it just was.  i went through some closets and rooms.  there is still so much to give away.  but i can't say that i saw God move mountains with that one.  then i put off the next month.  because of fear honestly.  wouldn't people miss my status updates?  i mean, seriously you all care about my 36 words or less don't you?

all that to say....God definitely revealed that i had gotten off course.  He used the food month to show me that i was an emotional eater and that didn't benefit my health.  sugar has negative effects on me.  big time.  He used the clothes month to show me that i don't need the stuff i think i do.  that being in style is not the most important.  work on my insides the most.  giving stuff away - i was disappointed in the lack of lesson.  by then i'd eaten a bit more sugar anyways.  haven't had a sweet potato in like 2 months (although i don't use my oven all summer long so that might have something to do with it!).  i also found myself standing for 5 minutes staring into my closet.  which was now empty because i gave it all away wondering why i had given it away because i suddenly had nothing to wear again!

in the midst of this conversation still playing in my head i noticed how quickly satan can steer us off course.  he can whisper those things in our ear that turn us down a dead end path.  when we get to that dead end the most likely thing would be to turn back around, but well, that seems too easy.  so instead i try to move forward over and over and over and end up nowhere.

i'd gotten off track with eating and suffer the consequences of weight gain and the return of crazy dizziness.  i'd gotten off track with getting dressed and find myself starting my day with stress, frustration, and disappointment.  as you can imagine this isn't the course that God intended.  He intends for me to ask for my daily bread.  He intends for me to spend more time dressing spiritually than staring into an open closet.

so i know that discipline is what i need.  and accountability.  so the media fast is on.  i can't give it all up because i do use it a lot to work.  but here is my plan....i will not take the laptop home unless i plan to work at home one day.  the computer will not be turned on after 3pm when i have my kids.  sorry folks.  i will only be on facebook to update blessings in a backpack.  i plan to text only what is necessary.  i will have email, but don't expect response until the next morning if you send it after 5.  hubby and i plan to turn the tv off more evenings.  as far as blogs.....yep, won't be checking those out with the exception of one (i'll give a sweet potato to the first person to guess which blog that is!) i plan to print off pinterest recipe and craft ideas so that i can stay away and maybe find the time to do some of those projects i've pinned!  oh...i'm also back to avoiding sugar as much as possible and eating real foods.  and clothes...trying not to care again!

i might update here once a week.  but today as i'm dealing with intense dizziness for the first time since december i'm feeling God giving me the big shove into this madness!  so here i go....i will see you when God leads me out of this maze!

the giving pile

i love the book the giving tree....it just makes me smile.  i've used it all sorts of times for all sorts of reasons at all type of events.  but now i've started what i like to call "the giving pile."

this month is 28 days of giving away 7 items a day.  i started in my closet:)

7 things a day...

i do not like to do posts without pictures, but well, this has no pictures so just deal with it dear friends:)

i have been a little quite here on my 7 blog.  clothing month wrapped up and i promptly pulled out about 30 items from my closet.  i've yet to go through my dresser.  it felt great to be honest.  ironically, last week i could where whatever i wanted, but i had creator camp at church so i wore the same shirt ALL week long.  i did get a chuckle out of it though.

i've noticed as the food month is further removed that i find myself enjoying some things i had so easily given up.  but i still have this amazing obsession with blackberries!!  seriously, i could eat them like all day long!

so now i'm on to giving away 7 things a day.  so far it's been easy - remember the 30 items pulled from my closet?  but i can't wait to start purging other places in our house.  hopefully this will help me find that motivation i have been needing.....

but here is the real point.....i've been reading my grandma's diaries.  i never really knew her so this is a fun way to dive into her world.  i love reading about her driving to pick up the sweetest 11 month old baby ever.....my dad was adopted and they surprised everyone with his arrival.  but what has struck me was the simplicity of their challenging lives.  they didn't have much.  she writes of cutting up their old linens, clothes, sheets to make new rag rugs for their house.  she writes of canning meat - all parts of meat.  she writes of having people over to play cards and eat popcorn.  seriously, folks.  can you imagine inviting someone over for popcorn these days?  she writes of rations for things like coffee, sugar, shoes, etc...

it makes me crave that.  i commented to my husband how often they had people in their home or were guests in someone elses.  that is what i call true community.  there was helping to cut down wood, plow fields, do laundry, clean house together, etc....

i'm hoping as i rid my home of things, things that seem to hold me down and box me in, i begin to see the joy in not having much.  in thinking about how to use what we do have.  in thinking about being more hospitable.  in realizing that things don't define me.

i've already been struck by thoughts that tell me i have to keep such and such.  really?  when i ask myself why sometimes i really don't like the answer.  so i'm praying that God helps me see the possessions (idols) in my home and gives me the grace to move them out.  i'm praying that as i make more room for God, i feel more blessed than ever before.......

so, if there is something you've been wanting or needing..let me know.  there is a high possibility it will be in my give away pile sometime soon!

 

only 4 more days...

yesterday on facebook i whined.....i was hot, my kids were not really liking each other, and i was soooo tired of my same clothes.  then my amazing friend posted this saying: 

 someone else is happy with less than what you have.

ouch....

so i settled in for the remainder of the afternoon checking my heart.  now, honestly, the clothes adventure has been far easier than what i thought it would be.  God graciously provided decent weather until this last week when we reached mid 90's and without ac in our home that gets a tad bit annoying and frankly i'd prefer to live without clothes at all!   

but, in the midst of not thinking too much about it, i've also learned some great things.  like, i waste a lot of time getting ready in the morning.  well, really in just standing in front of my closet pondering what will look good on me that day.  then i change my mind.  then i leave the house all flustered over what i have on not being just right.  you know what?  not once have i had those thoughts.  i just put my clothes on and go.  there is a freedom in that....and a great sense that God cares more about my heart, than my outward appearance.  does that sound like something in 1 Samuel, something about annointing king david?  hmm...guess in preparing that lesson for summer creator camp i got to learn it too.

i also have realized how much i think i need.  you know, that shirt i might wear one day.  or those shorts that don't really fit, but if i could just lose another inch off my thighs they might.  well, that takes me back to the fact that i didn't lost weight during my food month because again, God cares more about my insides and so must i.

today i worked with my hubby.  this was the 3rd day this month.  i wore the same outfit each time.  he never once commented.  last friday, i wore my skirt to a minor league baseball game with 5/6 graders, yesterday i took my kids bowling in my little gray skirt.  why?  it was way too hot for my jeans.  saturday i went to the grocery store in a dressy shirt because it was the only one clean and my cut off sweat shorts because they were the only clean thing.  did you catch i went out?  in public????  you know what - i felt pretty good!

now....i do miss several of my shirts and can't wait to have a few more shorts or skirts to wear.  but i do know that a lot of my stock is going, going, gone....!!!!

so....what else have i learned.  i really do have a lot and most people that have less are pretty happy with what they have.  i think it is those of us that have a lot (global standards) but feel like we are missing out on the american dream that aren't happy what what we have.  we feel this need for more.  

we feel like we are being cheated out of something and we like to blame someone for that.  usually the government.  BUT, what if i just stopped and enjoyed what God has chosen to give me.  God is bigger than my tax refund check.  God is bigger than the american dream.  God is the bigger than the new couch and carpet i'd love to have.  so why not just enjoy Him? enjoy His blessings.  be mindful of his gifts.  instead of pursuing the american dream, maybe we should start pursuing Him.  since i still haven't found in scripture where christians are entitled to the american dream i'll just keep on letting God poke around in my little world and rock the boat! 

what to wear?

i used to ask myself that question all the time.  in fact, many mornings i would blankly stare at my closet.  sometimes i'd try on several different things.  i tend to dress for my mood, which can vary from sassy country girl to wanting to look elegant to hiking attire to trendy to flirty....my mood can be known to change during this process from flirty to frumpy girl!

 

so when i had to narrow down my closet to 7 items i was a bit overwhelmed.  honestly, even though i had a month to think about it i chose not to.  i did by a skirt in preparation.  shorts have kind of become something i hate to wear because i can't find any that i look good in.  i love this little gray skirt and have plans to make some more for myself.  anyways....

 

i started on monday. so monday morning i just pulled out some items and said here we go.  then i realized that this isn't practical in northern indiana in june.  i selected:  jeans/capri's (i roll them up for capri), gray skirt, pink/grey striped tee, white elbow length cardigan, aqua tee, yellow blouse, white tank for under yellow blouse, purple shirt that i got at a garage sale, and a gray tee.  this shouldn't be too bad.  flip flops and tennis shoes.  i managed to get to 9 items. 

 

then i had to go weed our garden.  nothing on my list was really appropriate so i decided that i should be able to have one work in the yard/exercise outfit.  then the temps dropped to like 50 degrees so i decided to add in a fleece.  

still - not too bad right?  so now, being 7 days into it.  i do find it rather freeing.  i really don't have to give much thought to what i am wearing.  just put on whatever shirt i didn't wear yesterday, or which ever one happens to be clean and off i go.  what you need to understand is that when i volunteered at the school on fridays i was always sure to not where the same thing back to back fridays.  i think i'm starting to see a trend with some weird obsessions of mine.  ironically, as i'm preparing for Creator Camp i'm studying 1 Samuel 16:7 which clearly states that the Lord doesn't look at our outer appearance, but at our heart.  gee....i think God is revealing that my heart isn't as pretty to look at as i once thought.  

why do i get so consumed in what i wear?  why does it matter if i repeat clothes?  i whined about needing a sweatshirt and added one in.  you know what?  there are people who are cold all the time and while they may want to  "whine" about being cold (i use whine as my term - not what they really do) they don't have the luxury of going to their closet and saying, "gee, i didn't know it was supposed to get cold, i think i'll add in a sweatshirt!"  they don't have one to add in.  

 

i had chosen discover as my word of the year.  God is definitely helping me discover the hurt in the world, my pride, my feeling of entitlement, my ease of life, and my discomfort.  but mostly God is helping me discover the sin in my heart and that confession and change is hard, but oh so good.....

food - DONE!

this past week was amazing!  i could choose any food i wanted - and believe me i ate a few too many sweets.  however, the foods i craved most:  spinach, chicken, berries, green smoothies.  i think i've been changed!

as the 30 days of food drew to a close i was a bit worried. from about days 7-30 i felt the best i had felt in years; physically and spiritually.  i didn't want to lose that.  God gently reminded me that He offers freedom, but also says that not everything is permissible.  so, now i need to spend some time pondering that.

what did i learn? 

*well, first of all a lot of the food i ate wasn't real.  this food was real and oh so tasty.  i was definitely ready for a variety of vegetables and have indulged in asparagus, squash, and zucchini since.  ahh....i hope my family is prepared for a real food diet!

*processed food gives me headaches - almost immediately

*i use food indulgences to cover up what i need to deal with

*submission is still hard for me

*i have a change in taste now

*God still speaks to me

what's next?  clothes!

i started yesterday.  i think doing this in february would be much easier.  but i settled on 9 pieces of clothing.  i will also allow myself to wear one or two outside/garden/house with no ac outfits.  like i said, it would have been easier in february!  and honestly, this was harder for me to think about than food!!  good grief....i am not sure i'm ready for what God might choose to reveal to me this month!